It’s almost 2 years since my mom’s death. Along with that, 2 Mother’s Day have gone by. I guess for me it’s one of the most painful holidays just yet.
The last Mother’s Day that I had with my mom was one of the last sweet moments we’ve had while she was alive. Just the comfort of having a parent by your side, (whether you are independent or not) is one of the sweetest joys life can bring. Knowing that if all else fails in your life you have someone right there willing to catch you.
I’m not exactly perfect and I tend to fail a lot. And through all those times my mom was there for me. Every now and then, that fear and pain of being alone grips me. Reason why I don’t write as much as I did back in the past is because I remember how my mom used to support my writing keeping all of my notes and journals that are everywhere around that house. She would even say “Steff, one day I want you to book bind these.” Oh how she believed in me more than I believed in myself.
To be true, I never really appreciated her that much when she was alive. I wish I did. She brought me and my 2 sisters up on her own. To be honest, I don’t know how she did it? She was a strong woman through and through. I think I only saw her cry three times in my life; when her parents died and that one time when we had a terrible argument. I remember how shocked I was to see her cry because of me, that was so painful on my part that I wished I could have just let my pride down instead of making her cry.
How she put up with me, I don’t know? Sometimes, I can even put up with myself. She was the perfect mother for me, because I don’t think that anyone else would do. Only a strong woman for a stubborn child, I guess.
Whenever I feel the pain of being alone, I just think of this; my mom now is in heaven rejoicing. And whatever happens to me, God has my back.
It’s been 2 years now and many things have happened within those 2 years and I don’t know how I would have survived without God. I guess the only thing that’s good about me losing my mom is the fact that I see God clearer now than I used to.
Before, God is a distant entity that I’m just trying to be close to. Now, God is my father. Someone who’ll send people and angels along my way to make sure that I’m okay. I guess it’s true; in my weakness, He is strong. And that He’s faithful, though I’m not.
In the end, when we are down to nothing… God is always…. always… more than enough.
He does… holds our universe… There’s comfort in that.
hi po nbsa q po ung "Everything Changes…" paran amlungkot lunkot nio po... Life goes on po
Asketh - Anonymous
thanks sa concern :) God bless
The lesson I learned recently is that sometimes even the strongest principles, beliefs or relationships you have, can change. Sometimes slowly, sometimes in a glimpse.
How happiness, laughter, and fellowship turn into sadness, tears and the feeling of being alone. How the best days of the week can be the worst. How the things you look forward for in the past, now, is just a memory too painful to even reminisce.
I’m not just broken for me, I’m broken for the people that these tragedy affects. Yes, I call it a “tragedy”. Maybe a simple embrace and fellowship could mend our hearts, maybe not.
If time permits for us to be together again, I know it’ll be a wonderful day. Till then, don’t go too far. Not from me, but from what we believe in.
We have been friends, you knew everything that happened. I didn’t hide anything from you. You know the truth. You knew. So how could you now agree with my enemy’s lies? You saw everything, you saw it with your own eyes. Yes our friendship is over, but I never (not even once) thought of you as an enemy. Nor would I ever do anything to harm your name to anyone.
If I have ever been wrong, then may God be my judge and may He correct me. But I hope you find it in your heart, to know who I am, who I was, who we were. You know me. I am still the same. I just hope you won’t stoop so low, just to hurt me.